Shine, Bitch!

I had to close my old authors facebook for many reasons – I simply had to distance myself from a couple of tings, the major one being my name, both my old authors alias and the BSB era, and also the name I tried to use afterwards.

New name? well that was because my actual first name is very scandinavian, English, Spanish or French speaking people always pronounce it as Reggae or Veega. That is not my name, neither is my name Ricki. It seriously annoys me so much that I decided to use the name my oldest niece called me as a toddler – and well it’s not exactly bad to be in the same club as Rhianna. And the last name is actually just my real surname in bastardized icelandic because I had to find a way to make it different., and we all know the umlaut makes me special and interesting. 😛

Anyways I will be using that fb as well as this blog (which is uploaded directly to twitter) to blog. I promise I will try and do better up to writing the last of my 3 stories for the 6th man project. (or whatever the shit we decided to call it, I can’t recall but I rememer we talked for like 5 hours trying to come up with something clever that didn’t sound like a Enid Blyton title).

COME INTO MY VAN, WE HAVE FREE DRINKS AND KITTENS.

I am a dying God, coming into human flesh

It is sort of funny, but I had never thought about how much stuff i took down from the internet. I mean someone from work asked me if I had something he could read, because we seem to have a similar taste in books.

And I gave him this link, and looking at it – there is litteraly nothing left, shit man. I have some stupid nosleep stories which are no good, and a copy story that I didnt come up with myself – well in some roundabout way I just redid the story, and used the bare bones from the original Danish YA horror story. It is not an attempt of plagiarism, but more like a homage – it is never uploaded anywhere but here, and I never made money on it.

So the book Anne and I are working on, and have been working on since 2019 or something (it’s pathetic I know) is actually taking shape, but we both just had so much crap in RL that writing is not exactly the first thing I get done. I dont know how other writers work but i need a very specific headspace to be able to make something. Also I cant take my meds if I am writing, because my creativity works differently – its hard to explain, but on my meds I can make things like clothes, scarfs, shelving, all sorts of stuff that requires that I use a little math and logic. But I cannot write.

When I don’t take my meds I can write, but its close to the only thing I can do besides the bare bone of house chores and computer games. It is a fine line to walk, and for a while I have chosen to take my meds because I have so much crap I need to take care of in my real adult life – and I don’t have time to disappear into another place while I write. technically i think i would need like a month or two off work and meds to get shit done.

I realise it sounds like the worst excuse but it is really not. And I think its a pissing shame that I deleted so much stuff over the years, every time I felt like reinventing myself as an author, I basically deleted every trace of what was. And that is my point, its hard to call yourself author when you got nothing to show for it, besides some ass old story that was never finished – and tale about back when I had a contract with a publisher… well I did, and it was much more expensive to get out of that fucking contract than my innitial fee was – also how that book was butchered is a crime. I am so glad that I deleted every trace of my alias I wrote under, and that book, and the contract – that was a really bad time indeed. And I am glad that Anne and I owns the characters and the story again, however expensive, seriously fuck BSB for charging us so much more than we got paid up front, and the book ever sold for. and fuck BSB for charging a fee for us to have a moron to edit out book, and for “PR advise” like ‘try making a facebook and connet with people’… sigh

Enough about that, i am just still bitter and desillusioned.

But now for the good news, because I have that as well, as I said the plan was for Anne to do 3 stories, and me to do 3 stories – I did technically make 2 of them, though i HATE the ending of the newest one i made. I am going to redo the ending as soon as I have a moment where I can “unfocus” for a day or two. And then that can go to editing as well. And a friend of mine offered an illustration, lets see what happens with that, because I don’t quite know if it will make sense to include in the book or just flash as a promo thing, i will however post it here and link to the artist as soon as I have it =)

I have bought myself a new surname when I got divorced this summer – I chose that name for many reasons, but one of them is that is because it’s easy to translate without it losing it’s meaning.

There you have it, so much talk about writing without anything to show.. its the fucking story of my life.

Reading: Svært barn har mange navne

Svært barn har mange navne by Camilla Louise Johnson

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


Altså, jeg husker hende godt da hun var Lydia – jeg har mødt hende flere gange, hvor jeg i hendes optik var fjenden, en af de der vrede unge mennesker fra Jagtvej. Jeg ville have haft total respekt for denne fortælling, som på mange planer er skræmmende og frygtelig, og en usikkerhed som jeg selv kender til. Men jeg tabte illusionen om troværdigheden var da hun beskrev en situation som jeg personligt var en del af, og hendes beskrivelse som er fremført som fakta – passer simpelthen ikke, det er aldrig sket. Hvilket så får mig til at overveje hvor meget andet der er opspind for dramatisk effekt. Eller om det er der narrativ som har eksisteret i kirken og det derfor er blevet den kollektive opfattelse og hun derfor husker det gennem et filter, det skal jeg ikke kunne sige – men det gør mig simpelthen så skide skuffet. Jeg ved at forfatteren senere har været med til at skabe et exit program for folk fanget i sekteriske grupper, hvilket jeg har alt mulig respekt for.
Jeg har mødt mange af de mennesker hun skriver om, som Ruth og Christina, jeg har set den kulde der kommer fra begge – og hørt det religiøse vanvid der kommer fra deres munde. Det var svært at tage seriøst dengang som nu, men jeg er ikke et sekund i tvivl om at Ruth er en farlig kvinde, en mester manipulator.
Så tak til forfatteren for at sætte fokus på hjernevask og skadelige sekter, og fortsæt endeligt dit gode arbejde, du er uden tvivl en dygtig mentor med meget erfaring, men forfatter blir du aldrig, sorry not sorry.


[I remember her from she was Lydia – I met her on several occations where I, in her world were the enemy – one of those angry young people from Jagtvej. I would have had nothing but respect for this story, which is super unnerving and scary on many levels. But I lost the illusion of credability when she described a situation where I was there in person, and her account in regards to what was facts – is simply not true, it never happened that way. Which in turn makes me wonder how much of her tale is just that, a tale spun for readers. Or if it was the narrative which existed within the church and therefore she remebers it through that filter of brainwashing, I don’t know – but it is very disappointing. I know the author later was the driving force behing making a Danish exit program for people caught up in cults, and I do respect that.

I met many of the people she describes in her book, like Ruth and Christina, and I have felt the cold from them both, and I have heard their religious nonsense. It was as difficult to take seriously back then as it is now, but there is no doubt in my mind that Ruth is a dangerous woman, a master manipulator. So thank you to the author for making aware of the brainwashing going on inside the Danish cults, and please do continue the good work of helping -I am sure you are a good mentor with lots of experience – But you will never be an author, sorry not sorry.]

The walls have ears.

Alright so here is a long overdue update or something. So I have absolutely consumed more horror than I have produced for a loooooooooooong while. I have a couple of unfinished things that I hope to finish soon, but truth is that I have been so hung up in RL that it has simply not been realistic to find time to write or keep up with a blog. Dude I have barely been able to make dinner.

Things have changed, and I hope that I will be able to find the time, I really want to, but as you know I just haven’t done it.

I will not be making more youtube videos, it was fun and all, but I’m over it.

Also can I just mention how fucking sick I am of youtube and Codan’s twist, which leaves me with like a tenth of videos on youtube, almost everything is blocked in my country. Luckily not creepypasta narrations, and thank fuck for that.

Walls have ears.
Doors have eyes.
Trees have voices.
Beasts tell lies.
Beware the rain.
Beware the snow.
Beware the man
You think you know.
quote – Catherine Fisher

Personal update of a sorts

halloween smaller

I am in the middle of a whirlwind of real life stuff, some personal relationship things, but also a complete redefining of myself as a person – but also struggling to find my creative outlet. These last months I have been trying to launch my etsy shop, which has not gone super well (understatement of the year – cause actually it has only been a expense to me). But I have earned a little making shawls on commissions, though I know I should charge more for these things, cause actually I think I make like maybe 10 quid, the rest is to cover yarn and postage.

I have some plot points lying about, I struggled with the deep space story, so I don’t know man… tried with shorter things on reddit – that didn’t go super well either, even if one of them actually got narrated on youtube by someone. I want to write something good, and well plots are like fine wine, they need time, I do collect ideas and stuff when I watch my gazillion documentaries while crocheting, so I think I might be able to piece something together eventually. =) When I do, you will be the first to know. I am however returning more and more to my first lazy draft of a thing called ‘spinner’, but I think ima use it in a different context.

I did plan on making more vlogs in the future, but first of all I need the space to do it, which I just don’t these days. But what I CAN get better at is blogging.

You are always welcome to come find me on either tumblr, twitter or facebook – I suck at updating either, so there’s that.

 

Artificial apocalypse.

post-apocalypse-5924

So my 12 year old daughter and I took a walk the other day, and she was telling me about this dream she had. In her defence she is watching the walking dead, and I do not believe in censorship of fictive shows or movies.

Well my daughter told me about this dream which went something like this; it was the zombie apocalypse and the main person was an android, but didn’t know it himself. He only found out because he was bit by a zombie.

I think this is a GREAT idea to work from! I asked her if I could borrow her idea to write it, and she was a little surprised that I thought her dream sounded like something that could be a story. They know I write, but never read anything I made. In the end she told me  that I could have her idea, but only one person could survive.

Have I told you that I love the way her mind works?

I know I had not planned on working on a zombie story, but I simply has to write this.

There was a man, he went mad, he jumped into a paper bag.

aapt

I often write about things that I do not understand, I take great pride in investigating places in the human psyche that I simply cannot relate to. The trick which I personally finde is a drive for my inspiration is to both make my story believable and also to portray the subject matter neutrally.

Reading a story like this one tho makes me take three steps back in amazement, it blows my mind that people can live with a dead baby in a swing, and this baby has apparently been dead for over a week when the police was called. And also these people had other children in this apartment.

One wonders – so would they pretend the baby was alive? would they forget it was there? I mean one thing is that they ignore this child long enough for it to die in a swing, but to just leave it in the swing is even more crazy somehow. I don’t for a second think you can forget that you got a dead baby in your apartment, I mean it must have taken time for it to die, and also it gotta smell eventually. And what about the other kids, wouldn’t they have said something? pointed something out?

Sadly the article and the news article linked to from there, is scarce with information – so it just leaves us to speculate.

It’s not that I personally understand how you can do something like this to your child, but stories pop up like this all the time, so some people is clearly able to not only have a nurturing, empathic bone in their body. I would say that it must be drug related, since they can forget their baby for over a week, but what about the other kids? – Some articles say ‘kids’ and some say they had a 4 year old girl. As I said, the actual information is not very valid.

It does fascinate me that a person, a mother none the less, can have this amount of disregard for a human life, and her own child.

A tiny update of a sorts.

So as I said in the video I did go to the local thrift store but found nothing. I am also still waiting for the microphone and wanted to wait for it to arrive before I made a new video, it should arrive this week.

It also turned out to be a huge process to move all my oldest daughters shit out of the bedroom, and I have to wait for my husband to bring home a stick for the paint roller, cause I can’t reach the ceiling otherwise, and it makes no sense what so ever to paint the walls but not the ceiling (pretty overdo too, I haven’t painted the ceiling for the 11 years we lived here).

I have a couple of minor projects that I wanted to talk about in regards to the room makeover, but mostly that i have a kid free “date” Friday, with some old friends at this huge ass market with both new stuff and old stuff, and most importantly – beer. I do hope i can find something cool for the bedroom there though.

I have some books I read and stuff but I decided that it was not worth to make a video with, so I reckon the next video will be up sometime next week. =)