Cause blogging is therapeutic

Found this old story, and since this is finished – I decided to post it at my other writers blog that I made – Well it’s not easy to redefine one self as an author. I mean give up or go on, and so I decided to give it another go but this time it’s on my terms.

The new blog is only for finished stuff and sneak preveiws of stuff to publish, and this blog is still about writing, and what books I read. I do admit I read more than I write these days.

Anyways here is the link.

RIRI RHUBARBS BUCKET OF MANY USEFUL IDIOTS. (wordpress.com)

Shine, Bitch!

I had to close my old authors facebook for many reasons – I simply had to distance myself from a couple of tings, the major one being my name, both my old authors alias and the BSB era, and also the name I tried to use afterwards.

New name? well that was because my actual first name is very scandinavian, English, Spanish or French speaking people always pronounce it as Reggae or Veega. That is not my name, neither is my name Ricki. It seriously annoys me so much that I decided to use the name my oldest niece called me as a toddler – and well it’s not exactly bad to be in the same club as Rhianna. And the last name is actually just my real surname in bastardized icelandic because I had to find a way to make it different., and we all know the umlaut makes me special and interesting. 😛

Anyways I will be using that fb as well as this blog (which is uploaded directly to twitter) to blog. I promise I will try and do better up to writing the last of my 3 stories for the 6th man project. (or whatever the shit we decided to call it, I can’t recall but I rememer we talked for like 5 hours trying to come up with something clever that didn’t sound like a Enid Blyton title).

COME INTO MY VAN, WE HAVE FREE DRINKS AND KITTENS.

I am a dying God, coming into human flesh

It is sort of funny, but I had never thought about how much stuff i took down from the internet. I mean someone from work asked me if I had something he could read, because we seem to have a similar taste in books.

And I gave him this link, and looking at it – there is litteraly nothing left, shit man. I have some stupid nosleep stories which are no good, and a copy story that I didnt come up with myself – well in some roundabout way I just redid the story, and used the bare bones from the original Danish YA horror story. It is not an attempt of plagiarism, but more like a homage – it is never uploaded anywhere but here, and I never made money on it.

So the book Anne and I are working on, and have been working on since 2019 or something (it’s pathetic I know) is actually taking shape, but we both just had so much crap in RL that writing is not exactly the first thing I get done. I dont know how other writers work but i need a very specific headspace to be able to make something. Also I cant take my meds if I am writing, because my creativity works differently – its hard to explain, but on my meds I can make things like clothes, scarfs, shelving, all sorts of stuff that requires that I use a little math and logic. But I cannot write.

When I don’t take my meds I can write, but its close to the only thing I can do besides the bare bone of house chores and computer games. It is a fine line to walk, and for a while I have chosen to take my meds because I have so much crap I need to take care of in my real adult life – and I don’t have time to disappear into another place while I write. technically i think i would need like a month or two off work and meds to get shit done.

I realise it sounds like the worst excuse but it is really not. And I think its a pissing shame that I deleted so much stuff over the years, every time I felt like reinventing myself as an author, I basically deleted every trace of what was. And that is my point, its hard to call yourself author when you got nothing to show for it, besides some ass old story that was never finished – and tale about back when I had a contract with a publisher… well I did, and it was much more expensive to get out of that fucking contract than my innitial fee was – also how that book was butchered is a crime. I am so glad that I deleted every trace of my alias I wrote under, and that book, and the contract – that was a really bad time indeed. And I am glad that Anne and I owns the characters and the story again, however expensive, seriously fuck BSB for charging us so much more than we got paid up front, and the book ever sold for. and fuck BSB for charging a fee for us to have a moron to edit out book, and for “PR advise” like ‘try making a facebook and connet with people’… sigh

Enough about that, i am just still bitter and desillusioned.

But now for the good news, because I have that as well, as I said the plan was for Anne to do 3 stories, and me to do 3 stories – I did technically make 2 of them, though i HATE the ending of the newest one i made. I am going to redo the ending as soon as I have a moment where I can “unfocus” for a day or two. And then that can go to editing as well. And a friend of mine offered an illustration, lets see what happens with that, because I don’t quite know if it will make sense to include in the book or just flash as a promo thing, i will however post it here and link to the artist as soon as I have it =)

I have bought myself a new surname when I got divorced this summer – I chose that name for many reasons, but one of them is that is because it’s easy to translate without it losing it’s meaning.

There you have it, so much talk about writing without anything to show.. its the fucking story of my life.

A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit

It’s been a while since I used this blog for it’s intended purpose, I should really get better at it. Not that I fool myself into believing that anyone is really interested in it.

Writing for me is a weird process, I find it easy to get inspired, I also find it easy to write when I finally sit down and do it – but I tear my own writing to shreds afterwards and I am trying real hard to get better at it. If nothing else I think it’s more than anything because I took the critique of Kryos to heart. And I might have been slightly arrogant still, coming from a platform where people will sort of give anything you write a go cause it’s free. Maybe that inflated my sense of talent, only to tear it down violently. And maybe that is why I am hard on authors where you can feel they didn’t even try.

But that was not really what I wanted to talk about, I wanted to talk about the fine line between too much and too little. One of the things with Kryos was that we did not describe the world enough, I am not even sure we described anything but the characters, it’s been a while since I read it (and I only care to re-read the final version we sent to the editor, cause i absolutely hate the version that was sold) and I don’t recall if we described buildings or anything, weather or colors – anything but the characters. And then I think about an author like Jean M. Auel (or Tolkien for that matter) who wrote entire goddamn chapters on flora and fauna – boring the reader to death – cause we were really only there to read about Jondalar – in an attempt to world build and be immersive.

It has always been a fear of mine to go off on a tangent like Jean M. Auel, and not only bore my readers with pointless describtions, but also stray wildly from the plot to explain a story about a flower or whatever. Some readers might enjoy that, but I think it’s absolutely the worst crime any author can commit besides copying someone else. I know I rag on Jean M. Auel, but I must confess that I only ever read Clan of the cave bears, and I fucking hated it, it was a very boring summer and I figured it was the only book on my mums bookshelf that looked remotely interesting – NOT! But the reason I use her as a example is because she is honestly the worst author I can think of in regards to this issue.

Now Anne Rice is boring, Stephen King is predictable, Tolkien is a mess – and so forth… Loved and known authors have their issues, of course they do. Koontz write the worst female lead characters ever – like WORST, I had to stop reading his books because his description of women pissed me off to the point where I couldn’t even finish the book, he is like a male Barbara Cartland with more dead people.

So yes I struggle with when is it too descriptive and when is too much left out. I try and find the middle ground – and I can’t wait to show you what I have been writing, hoping that I mastered it somewhat.

In regards to the photo that is me editing the latest thing I am working on, it’s halfway finished, but I wanted to go through it for consistency, and since I walked with dinosaurs I need a printed version and a pen. But somehow inconsistencies are easier for me to nail when it’s printed out, it’s like when I read non-fiction, I simply cannot read that on a screen either. Not sure if it’s going to keep this title, but I sorta like it – might be a little too pretentious. I will give away that it’s referring to Phaethon.

The walls have ears.

Alright so here is a long overdue update or something. So I have absolutely consumed more horror than I have produced for a loooooooooooong while. I have a couple of unfinished things that I hope to finish soon, but truth is that I have been so hung up in RL that it has simply not been realistic to find time to write or keep up with a blog. Dude I have barely been able to make dinner.

Things have changed, and I hope that I will be able to find the time, I really want to, but as you know I just haven’t done it.

I will not be making more youtube videos, it was fun and all, but I’m over it.

Also can I just mention how fucking sick I am of youtube and Codan’s twist, which leaves me with like a tenth of videos on youtube, almost everything is blocked in my country. Luckily not creepypasta narrations, and thank fuck for that.

Walls have ears.
Doors have eyes.
Trees have voices.
Beasts tell lies.
Beware the rain.
Beware the snow.
Beware the man
You think you know.
quote – Catherine Fisher

My name is Ozymandias, king of kings

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So I am sorry I haven’t exactly been blogging about writing, but RL hit me hard and all writing went out the window, it happens. But now I am back to a place where I can contemplate writing again.

So as I said in a vlog – ages ago! I have been struggling with this space horror story, and while I am dead sure of the setting, I am not quite sure what the major plot points should be, but one thing I know is that it has to be about mass disappearances and androids.

This leads me to androids, they have fascinated me and creeped me out since I first time as  kid watched Blade Runner. The idea that artificial intelligence, created by man, made of code and wires – can appear just as human as you and I… well is scary. Not rise of the machines scary, but something worth giving thought.

I wrote plenty fanfiction with androids, both some where they weren’t human and knew it and suffered as a result – much like Pinocchio who just wanted to be a real boy. And some where they weren’t aware until it’s revealed to them via science. So I spent plenty time digging into what makes us human, and is an android life? what if it has the ability to care, does caring make them human? is empathy solely reserved for mammals? If a machine looks at a painting, does it understand the emotion, or does it repeat what they are told about said painting?

In other words, does androids know how to feel, and if so would they know how to create and think outside the box? And if they know how to feel and create, how does their moral compass then fit into all this? Is it there because a human made the codes? so no matter if the android had emotions, it was because said emotions were coded – and nothing new could be taught which is outside the code.

And that takes us back to what does it mean to be human.

Humans can be devoid of emotions, humans can dissociate so much that what other people consider as norm, no longer applies to the individual. Take a psychopath for instance, they lack empathy and insight in other people. They use people for personal gain, though they can strike up friendships and partnerships, then it never goes deeper than the individuals personal needs. it’s what you represent or mean to them, or what you can do for them – not because they love you, they love the idea of you. Now sympathy is something completely different, a psychopath can have sympathy, they can feel bad for you if you break your leg, or lose your family fortune – but then again it comes from their ego, it springs from ‘if it was me, i would want X to do X’ – so not empathy or insight, but a personal need with the individual.

How is an android different, they would in theory be able to get you up if you fell down, and apply medical attention for example. they would recognize that you were in pain from a set of parameters, and seek to relieve that pain. So is it because they want to see you free of pain? Is it because it’s morally and ethically correct to aid someone in pain – perhaps.

There are many, many different takes on androids, and my favorite is like Rachel from Blade Runner, the android that doesn’t know what she is, and has been implanted with fake memories to make the illusion complete.

But the creepy, crazy android like David from Alien is absolutely amazing as well, the android that knows what he is, but has so much refined knowledge on the collective human pool of art and wisdom – but lacks the empathy to understand it, again a painting without emotion is just a painting, but with emotion it is an experience. I find it absolutely fascinating, the thought of an individual with that much intellect, but no emotion – which leads me back to the psychopath. Does it really differ that much?

And then there are androids like the Terminator, which just sets to the task it’s given and will never stop and never rest. These ones are creepy for other reasons, personally I never cared for the Terminator movies, but imagine for instance, that the world ended, and the androids kept going at making uhm.. cereal because that was the task given to them, they would continue their routine till they ran out – maybe even stopping to have human interaction because it was coded.

Artificial apocalypse.

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So my 12 year old daughter and I took a walk the other day, and she was telling me about this dream she had. In her defence she is watching the walking dead, and I do not believe in censorship of fictive shows or movies.

Well my daughter told me about this dream which went something like this; it was the zombie apocalypse and the main person was an android, but didn’t know it himself. He only found out because he was bit by a zombie.

I think this is a GREAT idea to work from! I asked her if I could borrow her idea to write it, and she was a little surprised that I thought her dream sounded like something that could be a story. They know I write, but never read anything I made. In the end she told me  that I could have her idea, but only one person could survive.

Have I told you that I love the way her mind works?

I know I had not planned on working on a zombie story, but I simply has to write this.

Logo and writing.

I hired Michael Cruz to design me a logo, and he took all the crazy shit I threw at him and created this beauty. I’m im love with my interdimensional death-deer.

I am working on two things right now, a short story about an abandoned prison in space, and a really short horror story about dads and mirrors.

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